Intimacy Refined – Growing Your Spiritual Intimacy (originally published on

There was a time I was seeing this young woman, and an inevitable question arose from her lips, “What is it about us that you love?” I had explained to more than one of my friends why I found her so captivating, making the inquiry such an easy one to answer. I was completely taken by her, and I answered with no hesitation. I told her I believed her to be beautiful, brilliant, funny, goofy, tough, warm, loving, and affectionate. I was on a roll, and not nearly finished. Then, putting her finger to my lips, she interrupted my flow.

She stated that I misunderstood her question. “Those may be the qualities that you appreciate about me. But what is it about the two of us that tells you we’re righttogether?”

I was stumped at the moment.

This particular question seemed harder, not impossible, but more complex. A thoughtful response begged for something deeper that was difficult to articulate. It would have to speak to the connection I felt beyond attraction; beyond lust; beyond simple observations. She waited patiently while I contemplated. A lie nearly formed in my mouth as I realized that I hadn’t quite discovered that yet!

Spiritual intimacy

That feeling is the foundation for Spiritual Intimacy. Knowing the unknown.

A place where souls dance with one another in the shadows of intellect and physicality.

Spiritual Intimacy is at its most powerful, it’s most potent when you see your spirit reflected in your partner, and you feel the “oneness” in your twosome.

Often, people will bridge spiritual intimacy with a shared religious faith. I argue that those with differing belief systems can too have a magnificent, spiritual bond.

After recognizing the transcendent in each other, spiritual intimacy broadens into other fundamental elements of life:

Having a shared sense of values and principles; Sharing a similar understanding of the mystical and the unseen; Possessing a commonality in the ways you search for life’s meaning; Recognizing and acknowledging each other’s purpose, and being supportive in the fulfilment of that purpose.

Sharing a common ideology about life and a similar worldview, and desiring spiritual discovery and growth.

Many of us take these elements for granted, assuming when we choose our mates that these are already understood, particularly if we practice the same faith. Fortunately, there are several methods to grow your spiritual intimacy if you find weaknesses in any of these areas.

Explore each other’s system of beliefs

Explore each other’s system of beliefs

Even if you share the same faith, you may interpret the teachings differently and have a completely dissimilar spiritual walk. Bring your beliefs to the table.

Explain to one another how your purpose is informed by your beliefs and what meaning your faith provides for your life. Remember, this is the time for the kind of transparency that leads to understanding.

Explore each other’s personal libraries

Ask your mate about the books that played a significant role in the development of their values and their worldview.

A peek at the actual words that have spoken life into your mate’s purpose and influenced their spiritual walk can bring clarity to the actions you may be misinterpreting.

Observe your mate in nature

There’s no better way to fully comprehend someone’s spiritual walk than to see, for yourself, how they interact with other people, the way they treat animals, and the general respect they have for the environment around them. People often use words to manipulate the perception of others and to mask their intentions. But their actions will always reveal the true intention of their hearts.

Through an examination of the spiritual intimacy you share with your mate, you hope to find a shared path to peace, to goodness, and to your purpose as a couple.

Final take away

Remember, spiritual intimacy is about understanding the essence of your mate; framing all of those elements in a way that allows you to see the whole person, ultimately to determine how compatible their values, their purpose, and their worldview are with your own.



Tariiq Omari Walton

Silver Spring, Maryland