(Originally published in Jolie Magazine Online in April 2007, by Tariiq Omari Walton)
One of the most destructive things women do is try to change a man into something that she wants him to be. He may have all of the potential in the world, but it is up to him to live up to it. If he’s trying to change who he is for you, then that change is not going to keep. You can encourage him, but don’t expect that he will be anything more than what he is at the current moment. Be willing to accept someone exactly for who they are and not for what you believe they can be!
Another destructive thing is constantly comparing your current significant other to people from you past. Whether you do his verbally or if you keep it to yourself, it says that this person doesn’t measure up in certain ways, and that it is on them to meet your expectations. This will eat away at you and the relationship. Everyone is an individual and brings something different to the table. Ask yourself, if that person from your past was so perfect, why aren’t you still with them? Let go and be open to the new experience!
A third destructive action is assuming the mother roll and treating your mate like a child. If he isn’t taking out the trash, or cleaning up behind himself, you belittling him or nagging him about it isn’t going to bring you guys closer together. Communicate your displeasure just as you would with someone at work: with respect. Talking down to a man will only send him deeper into his hole.
Something else that can be terribly troublesome is constantly being up-under your man. Everyone needs a bit of space, and relationships can burnout quickly without enough oxygen. It is important that you do things together as well as a part from one another. Otherwise, you run the risk of having absolutely nothing new to ever talk about, and could easily grow tired of seeing each other.
Finally, a fifth relationship tragedy is involving everyone else in your affairs. When you tell all of your friends and your family what your man is doing wrong, they will begin to view that man through the eyes of only what you’ve shown them. Not only will it make it hard for them to interact with him, but it will make it hard for them to interact with you as well because you are not listening to their advice. And you know they will have their opinions; knowing what you should do better than you do, right?!?! Even if you try to balance it out by telling both the good and the bad elements, people will remember the bad more so than the good. It’s like if everyone tells you how much they like your outfit today; it’s the one person that says they don’t like it that you are going to dwell on. Don’t isolate yourself from your friends and family, but be cautious with how much of your private life you share with the public.