After a failed relationship, I was quoted as saying, “Relationships take hard work. But relationships, themselves, should not be hard!”
I’ve repeated this statement time after time while listening to the rantings of individuals “stuck” in increasingly unfulfilled relationships.
You’d be a fool to think that your relationship will continue to grow if you just show up. And that’s what tends to make a relationship hard…one person is working and the other person is just showing up!
Do you think a party is better because of your mere presence…that things jumped off just because you walked through that night club’s door? Nooooo…it was you taking over the dance floor or telling a great story or buying the first, fourth, and sixth round of drinks that made that night memorable. In other words, you had to work to get folks to loosen up and shake their giggly parts!
Well, you’re relationship is like that club scene. You worked hard to get that reputation of being the party starter, and with that reputation came certain expectations. The party just wasn’t the same when you creeped through the back door and sat quietly in the corner as you nursed a glass of cranberry juice and half melted ice cubes.
So often, we put so much effort into starting a relationship that we tend to relax when that love is solidified. We just cruise through, believing that the foundation we established is all we need to build a strong, long-lasting relationship.
That’s not the case.
The foundation is just the beginning. There are still walls to be erected, wires to be run, pipes to be laid, and a roof to be put on. Every few years, you might have to re-tile that roof and paint new colors on those walls. The work never ends! And if only one person is being held responsible to continue the hard work, the whole experience just becomes a project of repairing damages, and the growth stops until, ultimately, there’s just too much that needs to be fixed. Eventually, no matter how much work was put in, that sole worker will abandon that money pit!
I know I’m full of analogies today. But the only point I want to make is that you can’t simply “get by” in a relationship. Without the full effort of both people involved, one is putting all of the weight on the other. And baring any load by oneself is just…plain…hard!!!