Touch Me Tuesday: The Emotional Man

The claim that men are unemotional is unreasonable, unbelievable, and just straight untrue. If you spent more than five minutes around any man watching the NBA or NHL championships these past few days, I’m sure you get my meaning.

I know, ladies, that’s not the same. You mean that men do not open up and communicate their feelings to you or about you, am I right?! You know that we can be some overly emotional creatures…that’s no secret. The question is, other than when men are excitedly watching the game or extremely angry in reaction to something that just happened, why do some men not express their emotions?

Any good therapist can list a number of answers to this inquiry. But there’s only one (maybe two) that I want to address, today.

It’s commonly understood that women are inclined to be the nurturers in a relationship. Men, on the other hand, are often the protectors. Where women want to make sure that everyone’s health is being maintained, cultivated, and tended to, men feel it’s their job to protect everyone’s health. This includes the mental and emotional health of everyone involved.

Many times when a man isn’t expressing his feelings, it’s because, subconsciously, he wants to protect his woman from the stresses he feels. That is, if he’s taken the time to understand his stresses and their stressors. Women sometimes don’t realize that in sharing every, single detail of their day, men adopt, take on, and carry that same stress.

Why do you think we are always trying to fix your problems instead of just being the sounding board that you want us to be? It’s because we know that as long as you maintain that stress, we have to maintain it, as well!

Other than being drained after hearing the torturous accounts of a woman’s day and just not having the energy to share his own experiences, men want to shield their women from the stress. Honestly, he probably doesn’t even realize that he’s doing it or why he’s doing it. But in a man’s mind, if you can’t do anything to help solve the stresses, then why should you have the undo burden of carrying them, too?! He’d rather solve it or just deal with it on his own.

Now, that’s not the healthiest approach to life, either. And this is why men will often turn to activities outside of the home, like drinking, doing drugs, gambling, chasing women, or even something positive and constructive. It’s a way to relieve some of the stress without bringing it home and dumping it on his mate.

Something to consider the next time your man isn’t emoting his feelings in a manner with which you are comfortable…

…Oh, and the other part of the equation as to why a man may not be expressing his feelings to that woman is…he, sincerely, may have no particular feelings for her…but I’ll save that discussion for a later date…


  • i like to hear more of this discussion as far as he
    sincerely may have no paritcular feelings for her. how can that be defined if he also shares his last with her and give total access to his home and life…but she takes very good care of him, but she does not recieve the affections, the emotions, and the passion, but wants to build a future with her,,,,, is that for real. she has got a lot of mixed emotions.

    • I’m going to do a post in the coming weeks about “Emotional Investment”. Not to give it all away, but he could be invested just enough to reap some sort of benefit from the interaction. In the first chapter of my book, I talk about how it doesn’t really matter how perfect you are and how great things seem to be going. He may be totally invested “physically”, but if the emotional investment isn’t there, you need to question how sincere he is about the future.

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